my world

sometimes i feel like i project this super shiny always happy never sad persona.  i wish that were always the case.  it’s mostly the case.  and then… bam.  something is said or done.  and i feel like a tweenager once again; melancholy, angst-y, insecure.  i am so sensitive, and i have a love/hate relationship with that fact.  i wish i wasn’t such a feather.  i’m probably experiencing some crazy hormone shift (we’ve dropped the night nursing), and maybe i’ll finally get the terrible awful thing that i haven’t had for the past year and a half (a plus side to pregnancy and nursing)… which always makes me think the world is against me for about 24 hours prior.  i just feel in a bit of a rut at the moment; creatively especially.  grateful to be doing what i love, but having mixed feelings about turning away business (a lot lately).  on one hand i’m grateful i do not have to work and can focus so much on tuck{which is a huge blessing, that’s not lost on me.  i am grateful.}, on the other hand {maybe the selfish hand}feel like i spent time building this up.. and what if my work becomes irrelevant? tired?  when i want to pick it back up again.  if it evolves into something else, will i feel like a loser… oh heaven help me.  and i really hope i can get over myself and on with it. 

i’m sure i’ll read this in a year and wish i had kept this to a page in a journal for no one to see.  and i’ll get red cheeks just reading it.  but hey, even the shiniest happiest people get down sometimes.

one thing is for certain, i sure hope you all are having shiny happy days wherever you are.  i love you all!

in the mean time, i’ll be all snuggly with this little fella… and hopefully tomorrow will be a much better.  oh hey!  maybe that terrible awful will happen and then i’ll be all bright eyed and rainbows and fairytales around here once again.