{sign c/o the dwelling space}
One of the things that stuck out to me when I was listening to Brene Brown’s The Power of Vulnerability was the way she talks about this one scenario with her daughter. Her daughter comes home from middle school and no one sat with her for lunch. Brene has to resist the urge to say a version of I told you so, because she so identifies with her own voice when she has felt that way … “You should have not worn that stupid outfit or your hair that way…”. Instead she goes against what she wants to say, out of anger, hurt, and fear, and says something along the lines of – “I’ve been there. In fact I was there last week. It sucks not being included”…
It blows my mind, that even at my age, even at my moms age, my grandmothers age, and of course even in middle school you can feel so much anguish over not being included. I think what adds insult to injury is also thinking that there are certain people who never feel this way or this never happens to them. Maybe you think I might be one of those people that never feel left out? But I do. I want to offer you a – “Me too.. .I’ve been there. I’m still there sometimes.”
A couple of weeks ago Tuck wanted to play with some older kids and one of them said “go away! I don’t want to play with you”. He cried. It sucked. Not surprisingly, It hurts worse when your child feels rejected. I know this sort of stuff is just the beginning and while you can’t control another child, or who has chemistry as friends or whatever. I can encourage my kids to be inclusive. To look for the kid that’s being left out and go out of their way to include them. I hope they always see that as courage and kindness even if it risks their own acceptance.
I feel like I went through middle school all over again when I had kids. None of my best friends had children yet, I had no idea what I was doing, so going to Tucks classes or mommy groups, I often felt very much not a part of the club. I am shy until I trust you, introverted, sensitive … heighten all of that by having a kid + post partum hormones and well, wow. The good news is that, if you keep putting yourself out there enough, you do eventually find your people in whatever season you’re in. You realize you can’t expect to connect with everyone. Sometimes you can be the nicest, friendliest person in the whole room, and it still be met with “you can’t sit with us”. It sounds cheesy but in time you do find your tribe – with friends, with motherhood, on and on. That helps when you’re feeling rejected. At 32, even if I’m left out today, it doesn’t sting as much or the feeling doesn’t stay as long as it once did. It still sucks. But I know more of who I am in Him everyday. I know I’m loved deeply and accepted by God, my family, my close friends. I know who God says I am – redeemed, restored, saved, chosen, set-apart, loved, warrior, child of God, set free, treasured, royalty, adored, forgiven, and secure. And so are you. I hope we can both remember that when we need to (:
